1. |
CLOSET WEATHER CASKET
01:39
|
|||
|
Your father’s other daughter isn’t talked about
In voidless submission
She’ll be buried alone
In closet weather casket
Well-dressed, and with flowers
Gendered with her father’s name
But buried alone
|
||||
2. |
FATHER FASHIONISTA
03:28
|
|||
|
Oh father, what about the rest of my life
After you die?
As lonely as you claim
I will never survive,
Without you.
By my side,
It’s haunting
Spirits in this house
From my childhood
In one dream I have
Speaking stuttered spanish
“quiero decir”
Sit silently.
In my rockstar makeup,
Singing karaoke
Hear mother scream
Our shared name
In the middle of the night
Love me tenderly as I die
In your arms
And hold me as I cum
If I’m the son you have dreamt of
Then hold me as I cum
Or is too hard to admit,
I’m your other daughter’s death?
Uncircumcise me.
I am your other daughter’s death
Uncircumcise me
(You’re not talked about
Well-dressed and with flowers)
Holding my breath,
From down the hallway
(You’re not talked about,
Karaoke singer)
Hearing you scream
You will leave this world
(You’re not talked about,
In closet weather casket)
In the fashion whence you came,
(You’re not talked about,
Because it’s not talked about)
Alone,
And to die alone.
|
||||
3. |
TRANSREAL
03:59
|
|||
|
You were born yourself alone
With the name that your parents gave you,
It does not agree with the way that society reads you.
You were given a gendered experience,
Since your name it provides gendered experience.
The world it is broken in heartbreaking ways,
It is hard to be hopeful in a productive way.
It’s because if you go by they/them,
My god they will judge you.
It’s because when I go by she/her,
You do not stop looking.
It all starts at 15,
When the bell start ringing in your head,
It is called gender dysphoria.
It’s when i know it is not my fault,
And I know it is not your fault either.
When i am in love with a he/him, or a she/her,
It feels confusing to call them that now.
But would it be worse,
To say that I want their body parts?
Or that the world should reflect the way that their body works?
The world should reflect the way that their body works.
And my god’s not real,
She is transreal and she is my best friend.
She carries knives into the shower
Screaming her lungs out
We sing,
“Rest in power.”
|
||||
4. |
GIRLBODY
03:34
|
|||
|
I ran away from my girlbody
I could not face her face to face,
Oh my god.
(Oh my god)
She is pursuing me in my dreams.
Pursuing me in my dreams, screaming,
“I will appropriate you.
I will appropriate you,
then we will procreate.
I will inseminate you.
I will inseminate you,
then we will procreate.
Then we will procreate.”
I ran away
I ran away from my girlbody
I ran away
I ran away
God I wish,
I was born without a body.
God I wish,
I was born like you.
God I wish,
I was not so indecisive.
And God I wish,
I did not have to pick a gender.
It is something i will not consider
As we walk into my parents’ house
Where we’re all shouting
How,
You will appropriate me,
And I will appropriate you
Then everyone procreates
Then everyone procreates
You will inseminate me
And I will inseminate you
Then everyone procreates
Then everyone procreates
We run away
We run away,
From our girlbodies
We run away
We run away,
From our boybodies
We run away
We run away,
From everybody
We run away
We run away,
I ran away
|
||||
5. |
MOTHER
03:20
|
|||
|
It’s how my mother
Learns to hate her body
When she turns 18
No one tells her
I will grow up
Learn to hate my body
When I turn 18
Who stole her worth?
Who held her mouth?
Who took her trust?
Who gave up on us?
We are victims
Of our bodies
We carry weight
And mom I’m sorry
For how I grew up
You shouldn’t hate your body
You shouldn’t hate your body
Because I am trying
To not hate my body
So I really need you
To not hate your body
It’s intergenerational,
The way we talk about trauma
It’s intergenerational,
So I cry for my mother
She did not deserve that
He did not deserve her kindness
And it’s not until i’m 18
Do I really unpack that
Because mom I was 15
When I fucked up my body
It’s intergenerational,
The way we hate our bodies
It’s intergenerational,
The way we hate our bodies
And mom I will love myself,
But it’s when I am ready
And I am not yet ready
I am not yet ready
Mom I’m sorry
For how I grew up
|
||||
6. |
casket (with flowers)
01:55
|
|||
|
Your father's other daughter isn't talked about
In voidless submission, but buried alone
In closet weather casket,
Well-dressed and with flowers
Take note of her gender
Not spoken, not pleasant
But still human goddammit
He should love her as a daughter
How he would any other
|
||||
7. |
father (with kindness)
02:38
|
|||
|
Oh father
What about the rest of my life?
When you die
As lonely as you claim
I will never survive
Without you
By my side
Haunting spirits in this house
From childhood
In one dream I have
Speaking stuttered Spanish,
"quiero decir"
Sit silently
In rockstar makeup
Singing karaoke
Hear mother scream
Our shared name
In the middle of the night
Love me tenderly as I die
And hold me as I come
And I'll watch you as you go
But I can hold you as you come
If you promise not to go
(Just like you will hold)
I'm your other daughter's death
(Onto your mother's death)
Uncircumcise me
Holding my breath
(Turned your heart into a stone)
Down the hallway
Hearing you scream
(I will struggle to/too)
Leave this world
(Bury you with kindness)
In the fashion whence you came.
Alone and to die alone
But alone is to die alone
With or without me
Eventually
|
||||
8. |
||||
|
You were born yourself alone
With the name that your parents gave you
It does not agree with
The way that society reads you
You were given a gendered experience
Your name suggests gendered experience
The world is broken in heartbreaking ways
It’s hard to be hopeful in a productive way
But you can be they/them
And no one can judge you
One day maybe she/her
With everyone accepting
It all starts at 15
When the bells start ringing
In my head
It is called
Gender euphoria
It's when i know it's a gift
For myself and i know
It's a gift for you as well
As well when i am in love
With he/him and she/her
It feels so limiting
To have to pick one
So would it be worse
To say I want all body parts
Or the world should reflect
The way that my gender works
You're what humans crave
The latest human craze
I found you in the crux
In the heart of everyone
You're what humans crave
Bi privilege then gay shame
I found you in the crux
In the heart of everyone
You're what humans crave
Trans bodies of the human race
I found you in the crux
In the heart of everyone
The world should reflect
The way that our genders work
Like our god's not real
She is transreal
She’s my best friend
Turning gay pride
Into trans power
Screaming our lungs out
We scream louder
|
||||
9. |
girlbody (for ivy)
03:57
|
|||
|
I ran away from my girlbody
I could not face her face to face
Oh my god
Oh my god
(She is pursuing a new name across a fever dream)
Dream
Of how she appropriates you
As she appropriates me
If that's what it will take
For us to procreate
Or how she inseminates you
As she inseminates me
If that's what it will take
For us to procreate
I ran away
You hid well
I found (you)
You hid well
I found (you)
You hid well
You hid well
You hid well
I found (you)
You hid well
You hid well
You hid well
I found (you)
God do you wish,
Love on the body?
God do you wish,
To be brand new
God do you wish,
One day more decisive
God do you wish,
One day more than gender
Some things you do not consider
Walk into your parents' house
Ruminating
How she will rest in power
And I will dream about her
To hold liminal space,
To choose your chosen name
Hide it in the closet,
A casket dressed with flowers
If that’s what it will take
To find a quiet place to procreate
You hid well
I found (you)
You hid well
I found (you)
You hid well
You hid well
You hid well
I found (you)
You hid well
I found (you)
You hid well
I found (you)
You hid well
You hid well
You hid well
I found (you)
In the heart of everyone
|
||||
10. |
mother (and child)
04:07
|
|||
|
How my mother hates her body
When she is 18
No one tells her I will grow up
Hate my body at 18
Who stole her worth?
Who held her mouth?
Who took her trust?
Did you give up on us?
As victims
Stupid bodies carry weight
Traumatic histories
Could you erase me?
You shouldn’t hate your body
You shouldn’t hate your body
I am trying to not hate myself
Generational
Talk through trauma
Generational
Cry for your mother
Did not deserve that
Cry for kindness
When you're 18
Understand that
Mom I was 18
Forgive my body
Like you were 18
Learning your boundaries
Who took your uterus?
My eyes now heavy
So mom could you hold me?
I'm just your baby
Dreaming of heaven
You of salvation
Somewhere you'll hold me
Because I'm just your baby
Mom, could you hold me?
I’m just your baby
Mom, could you hold me?
I’m just your baby
|
||||
Fear Not Ourselves Alone Queens, New York
The last punk band from Queens, New York.
Fear Not Ourselves Alone recommends:
welcoming / burial
by sana sana
everything you see in yourself, reflected and distorted
go to album
Where We've Always Been
by Career Day
staring out the window of the car, thinking about how the world could be different
go to album
Intake Occupation
by Ultra Deluxe
address the tension, headfirst into action
go to albumIf you like Fear Not Ourselves Alone, you may also like:
The Tower of Light
by The Tower of Light
A dark, silver screen-worthy, gothic mix of instrumentation and subtle electronics back TTOL's swirling vocals.
go to album
This post-punk Philadelphia duo tackle gender dysphoria, transitioning, and anxiety on their debut album.
go to album
Liminal Fields
by Vulture Feather
Hypnotic and texturally dense post-punk wound around elemental grooves from Vulture Feather, featuring members of Wilderness.
go to album
