i have had enough of this life

by FEAR NOT

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1.
02:34
2.
01:53
3.
4.
03:18
5.
01:03
6.
03:07

about

six songs on loss and confusion, six songs on constrictions and convictions

credits

released August 23, 2016

for my mother, in understanding our relational histories
for my grandfather, in empathy
for a year of loss, there are things telling me that trying is never enough

//

On this record, FEAR NOT OURSELVES ALONE is:
Ivan - words, vocals, guitar, synthesizer, production
Jonathan - guitar, album art
Sam - drums, guitar on track 6

Thank you to Dan for playing bass on tracks 1, 3 and 4.
Thank you to Alexa for singing on track 3.

This record was written and recorded with the big heart of DIY in May-August of 2016 at The Closet Mansion, except for Jonathan and Sam's parts which were recorded at their respective homes.

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FEAR NOT OURSELVES ALONE Queens, New York

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Track Name: MOTHER
Did my mother hate her body when she was 18? No one told her she could love herself, so no one tells me I can love myself.

Who stole her worth?
Who held her mouth?
Who took her trust?
Who gave up on us?
We are victims of our bodies
We carry weight of traumatic histories
Fucking kill me

You shouldn't hate your body

You're only 18
Fucking kill me
We carry weight of traumatic histories
God erase me
Track Name: BREEZE
i want it back
there's a breeze on the platform for the 7 train by your house
i ride it both ways to run the risk of seeing you
'cuz i've got thai iced tea and a couple things to say to you

(mother, what have they done to us? mother, our histories have abandoned us)
Track Name: CROWDED ROOMS
i want you out of my head
it gets so crowded for two
gets like a crowded room

yeah, you're up to no good
'tryna convince me that you're here
and you're real
and i'm nowhere to be seen
i become like living proof
of everything coming back to you

it get so difficult thinking in crowded rooms
(...i get so consumed)
Track Name: SEEING
are you still here in the confines of my room?
in the piles of dirty clothes?
or in the clutter on my floor?

so who's there
what's good
nothing is
so who cares
what's good
no one does
and hate me because i don't want to
and hate me because i don't want to
see you

...but i see you on the E train, in mirrors and other states.
stealing glances out my good eye, never really leaving my sight.

so who's there
what's good
nothing is
so who cares
what's good
no one does
and hate me because i don't want to
and hate me because i don't want to
see you
Track Name: STUDYING
& i wonder what you studied
& i wonder what you learned
& your name is somewhere out there
& i wonder who you taught there
Track Name: APOLOGIZE
i need to apologize
only thing on my mind
last five years

what i did to you
no one else has done
and i see you in bits of everyone
you're my leo, but sometimes a gemini
and i am a transgirl who sings like a beta male
and i grow tired of living this life
i have had enough of this life

please ignore me
it will be easy
nice apology
it's a nice apology

it's a nice apology