1. |
TYPE A
02:19
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driving in your car
getting hot off of who you are
and you are not impressed by anything i offer you
i'm fucked up on your innocence
i wonder what you do on weekends
when no one provides you with the kind of comfort humans crave
craving a body has never felt like this
am i craving whiteness?
find yourself in the heart of it
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2. |
TOKEN
03:46
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What’s your name?
What’s your race?
What’s between your legs?
Do you have a name for it?
You either are it or you’re not
You either use the right terminology
You’re either white, middle class and privileged
or you bend yourself to that stereotype
White feelings
White feelings
I am a gay bear in Los Angeles too consumed in my privilege to acknowledge it
Tokenize me
Yes I’m /that/ friend
but you don’t care about
who I really am
or where I came from
that “foreign” place
but if I was born here,
can I claim my race?
You can’t read me
so you can’t know me
for who I am
ha! ha! ha! ha!
You only read me
for my white privilege
I am a genderfucked girl in Ohio
I am shaving the sides of my head to be a part of it
I want to be a part of it all
(I DON’T KNOW SHIT!)
in the heart of it all
I want to be a part if it all
(I DON’T KNOW SHIT!)
in the heart of it all
Tokenize me
Yes I’m /that/ friend
but you don’t care about
who I really am
or where I came from
that “foreign” place
but if I was born here,
can I claim my race?
You can’t read me
so you can’t know me
for who I am
ha! ha! ha! ha!
You only read me
for my white privilege
Do you want to know my name?
Do you want to know my race?
Do you want to know what’s between my legs?
Because I swear to god there is a name for it
Do you want to know my name?
Do you want to know my race?
Do you want to feel uncomfortable around people who are not just like you?
DO YOU WANT TO BE INCLUSIVE?
WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN BY INCLUSIVE?
WITH YOUR INVASIVE FUCKING QUESTIONS
JUST LET ME BE A FAKE MINORITY
WITH YOUR INVASIVE FUCKING QUESTIONS
AND THAT DUMB SMILE ON YOUR FACE
BECAUSE YOU’RE TRYING TO BE INVITING BUT BEING SO INVASIVE ASKING:
“WHAT’S YR NAME?
WHAT’S YR RACE?
WHAT’S BETWEEN YR LEGS?
DO YOU HAVE A NAME FOR IT?
WHAT’S YR NAME?
WHAT’S YR RACE?
WHAT’S BETWEEN YR LEGS
...IS THERE A NAME FOR IT?”
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3. |
IVY
02:33
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Ivy wants to be anything but Ivan. She wears her mommy's pretty dress, while watching the TV she says, "Oh, what a pretty woman! This is my favorite show!" Enjoying her afternoon snack, not seeing mommy go, "NO YOU CAN'T DO THAT, IN PUBLIC NO LESS. TAKE THAT OFF THIS INSTANT BEFORE YOUR FATHER GETS HOME." Mommy took her favorite dress and ripped it to a shred. Mommy took her favorite son, she stabbed him in the chest. Ivy didn't understand, why would mommy do that? Was it something that she did? As the blood spills out her chest, she says, "Oh, what a silly woman! This is who I am! And I know that you can't understand, and I'm so so sorry for that." Mommy took her favorite son and killed him instead of telling him, "Hey Ivy, world don't work like that."
Ivy don't get out of bed now
Ivy don't go out to bloom now
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4. |
VOID
04:48
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Who did make fun of you in your attempts to wear skin that did not belong to you?
Who did make fun of you in your attempts to make something prominent?
Sweetheart, you're significant.
Your voice moves mountains, your voice shakes bridges.
Your voice breaks a mother's heart, your voice shuts a father up.
Like true love-
it's like true love.
Where no one is touched,
there is no sorrow, no void.
But the universe is out to get me.
But the universe is out to get me.
But the universe is out to get me.
But the universe is out to get me.
(it's on your mind now)
The universe is out to get me.
(it's on your mind now)
The universe is out to get me.
(you will make your parents cry)
The universe is out to get me.
(do we not all deserve love?)
The universe is out to get me.
(no sorrow, no void)
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5. |
WHITEWASHED
02:37
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Your parents didn't have the opportunity you have to be depressed
They were busy working their way out of a country you did not grow up in
Hablando un idioma que ni conoces
Soñando de una vida que solo has vivido
Pero usted dice que solo estas deprimido
y que ellos no saben de los sueños
You feel helpless
You feel selfish
You feel whitewashed
Taken over
Like gentrification,
except on your skin
You are the Spanish son
with the Spanish blood
a symbol of a people taken over
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6. |
IT GETS WORSE
02:11
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I will die happy
hang my body by its jaws
so i'll be caught smiling
then my dad will know it all
and i'll wear my boyfriend's pretty dress
and i'll wear my mom's bra
and she'll be caught screaming,
"oh my god my son is gone"
he is gone
gone
goddamn i better get this right or i won't go at all
so i'll learn to tie my knots real tight
my body's in the hallway,
make sure to tie up my loose ends
let everyone know that i love them
and i'll see them in the next few lives
or maybe not at all
at all
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7. |
XIU XIU FEVER DREAM
03:23
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Ivy wants to be anything but what Ivan wants to be
so he says,
"HEY FAGGOT FUCKER, SHUT UP!"
but he's secretly in love,
with a Xiu Xiu fever dream
A dream where you feel dysphoria,
every time you touch a lover's hand
A dream where you smell your dad,
when you wear your mom's clothes home all alone
Ivan's skin and bones are growing an Ivy plant's arms and legs
making sense of questions
what's between her legs
in her head
who's right to question
but in isolation her pronouns are not respected
looking to mirror, Ivan asks,
"Ivy, are you even living?"
You just want a boy to come and still want to hold you in the morning,
to tell you, "Ivy, i love you for the pretty girl that you are."
You just want a boy who would hold your hand through a sex change
I am so fragile, i could die in the streets, trans and alone
Or you could just be a good boy
Or you could just be a good boy, if it is what you want,
if it is what you are
Within your gendered constitution,
you dream of a resolution
Listen to Xiu Xiu
Listen to Xiu Xiu and pretend it does not hurt
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8. |
AMOR VIVO
06:56
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What was the weight your parents lost for a country they gave up on?
What would you have to do to make it worth their weight?
Would it involve your dead name?
It's a life you do not choose
(because you don't want to)
It's a life you do not choose
(because you don't have to)
Gastando sacrificio, un gasto de tiempo y nuestro harmonia porque papi queremos lo mejor para usted...
PERO NO SOMOS INVISIBLES. TENEMOS SENTIMIENTOS Y SE VEN EN LO QUE DECIMOS. ES SIGNIFICANTE! Y LO TENGO ESCRIBIDO EN MI FRENTE, ES LA FORMA QUE YO DIGO, NO ES LA FORMA QUE YO GRITO, "YO EXISTO. YO EXISTO. YO EXISTO. HASTA MI ÚLTIMO RESPIRO."
Do you think about your parents at the moment of procreation?
Un amor vivo sealing your dead name
But what would happen if it was abandoned?
Gay shame or white feelings?
In western dreams and trans misgivings,
in border crossings and crossing your name out
It's gay shame and white feelings,
it's western dreams and trans misgivings.
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9. |
HRT
01:14
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take me to your car
fuck my asshole but not too hard
you make me less depressed, you know
i love you for the pretty girl you are
'cuz you need
me
like a dog in heat
you take
me
inbetween hormone injections
opposite of what you were born with
it makes you less depressed i know
taking drugs for who you are
inject them through your leg
so you can look more like you do in your head
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10. |
TYPE B
02:33
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take the needle out
no one hears you
pull your shorts up
so no one sees
who you used to be
or what you are
your battle scars of surgery
now you're getting hot
you're feeling heat
from your reflection
you wanna fuck white boys with latin skin
so you feel less bored
and more in love with who you are
sing in Spanish,
diga lo que quiero
es un amor vivo
compartido
por no decir,
"porque te vas?"
because you get so bored
staring at Ivan's reflection
but you just wanna be like him
you're wearing your heroine lipstick
Ivy's blush in the rearview mirror,
getting pegged by a big pink dildo
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Fear Not Ourselves Alone Queens, New York
The last punk band from Queens, New York.
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